A Series Of Unattributed Quotes From A Weekend On The Ice

"You need to understand that just because I'm getting in a relationship doesn't mean we're breaking up"

"Getting numbers while you're getting blown"

"I told her she was beautiful, and then I turned away"

"When you go down on her it's like kissing a baby"

"I wouldn't be the man I am today if I hadn't fucked a lot of chicks"

"God knows if the jamaicans can bobsled we can"

let's not do this this winter

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In an effort to not forget this and also provide for our esteemed readers...

So there's this farmer, asleep in bed with his wife, in the middle of the country, in the middle of the night, like 3 in the morning. There's a knock at the door and the farmer wakes up, startled, goes downstairs and opens the door to find a stranger there.

"Sorry to bother you sir, but could you help me out? I really need some help. I need a push."

The tired farmer looks at his watch and says, "Oh man, it's three in the morning, I can't help you right now. Tomorrow I can help you, sorry." Then he closes the door, goes back upstairs and get in bed.

His wife then says, "You need to go back down there and help that man! He could seriously need your help! Go and help him!"

The farmer gets back up, goes downstairs, opens the door and there's no one there. He calls into the darkness, "Hello? Is anyone there?"

"Yea, I'm here!"

"Do you still need help?"

"Yea, I need a push!"

"Well where are ya?!"

"Over here, on the swing!"